I have decided that I will not post anymore after this last post. I have kept myself busy this week after returning to work on Monday to an extremely supportive co-workers, with the hope that slowly life will be back to a normal. A new normal that is, a normal without mom. It can’t ever be the same normal, where I could smell her, poke my nose play fully in her face and watch her laugh. I can’t ever touch her again or hear her call me to come sit with her.  I was craving something sweet and went to raid the fridge.  I saw apple sauce and without thinking took a cup out. Just when I got the spoon, it hit me that during the last stages, we used to crush pills and give it to mom with apple sauce, a trick hospital nurse showed us.  Couple of cups had remained. I miss her.  Small things make us miss her more, whether its visiting the Chinese resturant and eating walnut shrimp or making carne asada tacos.

Mom passed away early morning on Monday, November 28th, 2011. We were all with her, when she gasped for last breath and her soul left. The breathing rate had been slowing down a lot and there was no pulse for about an hour before that. She started to have gaps in her breathing which kept on getting bigger and finally, it stopped.  Papa checked her heart with his stethoscope which she was still breathing with gaps but there was no beat. After, her last breath, I checked it. There was silence, a loud silence. Islamically,  the body is to be buried as soon as possible. Since, we had already planned things, we were able to do the burial same day, later in the afternoon. Mariam, my sister and few other relatives  gave mom her final bath. We prayed over her body, the final prayer of burial at the local mosque before proceeding to the cemetery. I got down in the grave along with my brother and two other close relatives to lay the body down. I was the last one out.  I made her slant a bit to her right, so that she would face Kaaba in Mecca. She was buried without a coffin, wrapped in white sheets. When I was moving mud around her body, my hand touched her face and could feel her nose. That was the last time I touched my mother. Soon afterwards, she was under piles of mud, on her way to eternity. After, her washing, I saw her at the mortuary and she looked as if she was smiling , a slight smile, peaceful face and at ease. Its been a while since, we saw her without pain.

The support from our friends and family was over whelming. I can’t imagine anything better. Many of mine and Mariam’s friends dropped everything, took the day off work and came over to be  by our side. They took care of kids, made arrangements for “A’zza” or the reception for people to meet family and give condolence. The numerous hugs and words of encouragement, teary eyes of these macho friends of mine, it all just over took us. One of my best friends dad saw me at the Masjid, gave me a hug and started crying. I had to console him! I met mothers of four of my closest friends, all of them crying. These people whom I am not related to by blood were crying for my pain. They were crying because they are related to me by faith and by humanity.  We do not know how to repay them.

And Thank you all for your support and for sharing our journey.

Many of those who called from all over the world could not believe that mom was no more. They broke into tears and some just cried and hung up. The couldn’t talk. Baji was gone. Who would go around in the middle cold nights with blankets and give out to the people sleeping in the cold on the streets of our home town in India,, who would stop us from killing even a bee, Who is going to make sure, the baby of the girl who lives near our house gets milk, who is going to teach the neighborhood girls. The list goes on and the void gets bigger.

If I was asked to summarize mom’s legacy, it would most certainly be of charity and simplicity. She lived a simple life with minimal needs and wishes. What she had, was for others, she would always be giving. To help was her nature, it would melt her heart to see someone suffer. We have gotten quite a few emails from people who have benefited from this blog. Her disease, her pain became a tool for her to help others. She lives on in our hearts and hearts of many for reasons we would never know. She is her legacy, even in death.

So long  Amma… Inshallah will see you in Jannah.

Wassalam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu
(May Peace, Mercy and Blessings of Allah be on you)



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  1. #1 by abdishikr on December 9, 2011 - 5:34 am

    thank you for sharing. A beautiful and dignified and peaceful story which has touched me deeply.

  2. #2 by Suraiya Sayed -- 'Mariam ki Amma'! on December 10, 2011 - 1:50 pm

    My dear sister — a sister I gained for a brief time in our lives on earth.

    Inshallah we will see you in Janna my dear behan & relative who came into my life for a very brief time. I am happy that my daughter, Mariam, was able to spend some valuable time with you. I am sure in due time it will register in her how quietly, ever smilingly, and softly and kindly you helped my Mariam settle in a new home after her marriage to Anis. With time I am sure it will register slowly and surely how kind and caring you were to her and how gently you helped her settle in your home with all around you. You were so concerned to make me comfortable when I landed during Anis & Mariam’s Valima time at your home. I had a very short time to meet with you after the marriage of Anis and Mariam. I wish I had more time to spend with you. I could see how concerned you were to keep me comfortable.

    What made me calm down and be at peace with myself was the fact that I was totally happy with how you and the rest of the family members cared for my child and made her feel important in your home. This is due to your ways of caring for her and making sure that others did the same too.

    I had very little time to spend in your home and that was enough to calm me down and feel proud that my child had entered a home full of love and kindness for her. This is all due to you and your ways. I wish I had more time to spend with you. I was planning to visit with Mariam & Anis and looking forward to spending some prime time with you. I am sorry I did not get this chance.

    My sincere prayers are with you. May Allah Bless your kind soul and ‘with no formalities’ welcome you into Jannah where you make it glow with the kind deeds you performed on earth. You were a true servant of Allah and you gave us joy and much of your time to keep us happy. You were a kind hostess and very pleasant – soft spoken – company. I will always remember you with that soft and kind smile on your face and waiting to help us. I am happy I met with you and will value your kindness and brief friendship on earth. Inshallah we will meet again up in the Heavens.

    May Allah Bless you for all the good you delivered to your family, relatives close and distant and other strangers you dealth with. I pray for Allah to Bless your soul and keep you safe and happy in Heaven — a place you earned with your super kind deeds on earth.

    I am grateful for having met you. You set great examples of how you dealth with people in general and kept up that soft smile all the time.

    Masalama and Inshallah Allah will Bless you with eternal happiness in Jannah.

    May Allah keep his kind eye on you all the time. You are Blessed and in the Hands of Allah. Keep that smile going and we will continue to pray for your kind soul to be at peace in Heaven Blessed by Allah forever.

    La Ilaha Il-lul la, Mohammed-ur-Rasool Allah.

    Suraiya Sayed

    Masalama my dear friend

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