New developments

Mummy has become much worse. It seems every two days she gets worse. As of the past 5 days, Mummy stopped chewing solids, then stopped opening her mouth to eat, then stopped talking, and now whatever we put in her mouth she either chokes on it or spits it all out.

Today she only had 2 teaspoons of soup, and a few sips of water.

“It” is coming. The question is, will we be ready for it?


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  1. #1 by Z on October 25, 2011 - 6:25 am

    I want to say something but I dont even know what to say. What do you say when you barely even keep in touch and you havent seen your family in months? it will all just seem fake and insincere. Even though I havent been present, please know that I do think of you all often and make dua every chance I get. I keep up with your blog, and I message you and try to get you talking about other things, in my mind, hopefully, giving you a break from what you are dealing with all the time. I apologize if this wasnt enough, and wish i could have done more. May Allah make the rest of the days and what is coming after easier for you all. Ameen.

  2. #2 by Aadam on October 26, 2011 - 4:51 pm

    😦 May Allah make this time easy on all of you. Ameen. Although, I did not know her well, I’m certain that my mother and father’s “minni khala” will always be in the memory of the hoda khandaan forever and those memories will be fond ones that the family will cherish.

  3. #3 by UmMuhammad on November 3, 2011 - 10:11 pm

    Assalamo Alaikum,

    wow sister, what a test! We dont know each other but I read your interview on World Of Umm. It may not seem so now but this may be the best thing that happens to you in this dunya, this maybe your ticket to jenna. May Allah bless you and give you strength.
    Just one word of advice, please please constantly recite La Illaha Illah Allah, Muhammad Rasulallah. Even if she cant speak, it would hopefully be the last words she remembers and inshallah replies when the angels visit her in her grave.
    I will be thinking of your family and keeping you in my dua’s.


  4. #4 by Suraiya Sayed on November 20, 2011 - 7:21 pm

    Dearest Hoda family
    I keep thinking of all of you and how you are coping. I keep seeing your mon’s soft and kind of shy smile. Every smiling and kind to all. Seemed very sensitive to me and finding ways to please the rest of the family and friends in a variety of ways. Worrying if we slept well, ate enough and can she do something to keep us happier. A perfect hostess.

    It is sad she is suffering from this dementia and being very sensitive always worrying about the other person and forgetting herself. This is what I saw in my brief 3 or 4 days visit at your Valima.

    Whenever her name is mentioned over phonecalls with my l’il-no-more, Mariam ma(!) I keep wondering why this kind person? Then hearing a voice saying that it is in Allah’s doing and He is our creator and He knows all. Ours is not to question why — Allah loves her more each minute. He is incharge of calling her to HIs side. That is only in HIs power. It is not for us to worry when she will leave our company for a Greater, Kinder and Most Gracious Company.

    In the meantime, enjoy the time that Allah has given us to enjoy her company. Do whatever we can to make her life comfortable here in this cruel world. Thank Heavens she is communicating so clearly regarding her feelings and what she sees in your tears or sadness. Her life is in Allah’s hands. Who are we to count the days and minutes. Get this thought out of your mind that she is suffering here in this world it is hurting all of us to see her suffering. Allah has HIs reason and the time is all fixed by him. The more time she is given her on earth the more we can thank Him for it. All these long hours that the dear relatives have spent for her and with her will be noted by Allah and He will grant you the strength to bear this deep gnawing pain. I do not wish to see you all thinking ‘why is Allah not calling her and relieving the deep pain that your mom is suffering’? I think that when the time will come and Allah will call her, He needs her for HIm — all pure and clean and as free and fresh like a newborn baby. He is our Creator and He is the One who knows what is best for her. I pray that she does not suffer here on earth and is taken in the care of our Lord, Allah The Great, as and when He chooses. We will accept whatever He has designed for her and pray that our Lord will care for her in the best possible way. Imagine when she lands in the company of our Lord, she will be pure as the pain she suffered on earth through this ill health and seeing pain in her family’s eyes will be over and she inshallah will be in the super company where Allah will be welcoming her and giving her all the joy and happiiness she deserves.

    She in my eyes is the purest person I met. So ready to help the other person. Wanting to do something to help or please the others. Forgetting herself. I am sure she is in pain to see how hard the other relatives are working for her sake. She is the one who wants to do great things for others. Seeing you do that may give her joy to see that all of you love her so much and feeling the pain that she is in help of you all.

    You Hoda family have the finest and purest and most innocent behaviour. Genuine — you like something you praise and you do not like it — stay away from it.

    It is my joy and pleasure to see my little-no-more Mariam being part of your family and trying to gel and gain the good deeds from you all. I pray that Allah gives all of you the patience and kindness that is essential at this crucial time in your mom’s life. Give as much as you can, whatever you can
    ,,,,,, time, kindness, company, help prayers …. and more. Be there for her and help as much as you can. Fight with the other person so you get the chance to be close to her and help your mom — the joy of your family. I pray all the time that Allah Bless you all. What a great family my child, Mariam, has joined. She is learning as well as growing in leaps and bounds. There is so much of goodness to pick up from each and everyone of you, the Hoda family. Be proud of what you are and what you have to share with us all. I am lucky I spent some time at your home during the valima time. I always has the vision of all of you in my eyes and pray that all of you are Blessed by Allah our Creator and may your dearest mom be with us as long as Allah wishes and May Allah take her in His own time — when she will be welcomed in His care.

    Our — The Tohamys from Florida — love all of you and pray that Allah give you and all in the family, the strength to pass this tough stage in your lives. Enjoy your Mom’s company and I wish I could be there to share some of her time too. I will give it my very best effort to come.

    Loads of prayers and love from all of us here in Florida — The Tohamy family and my niece, Maliha and her family.

    Hoping to see you in your new home and being there for some valuable time with your loving mom. Take care and May Allah shower his kindness on all of you with super life values you are loaded with. All a result of your parents esp. the mother who takes it all with a super smile.

    May Allah keep His Attention on your mom and give her comfort on earth and joy in Heaven with him whenever He sees the time is right. Love and our Blessings to all in your family. Suraiya

    La Ela Ha Illulla, Mohammed – ur -Rasul Allah. Ameen

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